michelle's back

i guess almost everyone's forgotten about this blog...
heck, maybe everyone's forgotten about the taming game already...
sigh
i find myself the lone discenter of all this.
like i'm the only one truly missing emdd.

and i think i know why.
it was my first stage play,
and i've a feeling it'll be my last.

i've never dreamt about emdd,
but i always think about it.

recently i was on msn with xd,
and he showed me this youtube video of his class,
and him doing this funny voice thing.
the camera showed wei an, lex and jason.
and then i remembered wei an.
sigh...
my acting partner.

i acted alot on stage with him.
we were a team, man...
tim and bee

i know you guys always dreaded rehearsals,
and wanted to go home as soon as possible,
but i never hated it.
for some reason,
i loved rehearsals,
and i loved every minute of it.

i loved the 8am to 4pm rehearsals.
i always found the 8am to 12pm rehearsals too short.
haha dont ask me why.
i just really loved rehearsals a lot.

as the performance dates got nearer,
i began to feel worried.
even in school i scribbled on my books,
"emdd's in 4 days! shiet!"
and i even wrote the date down: 5/7/06

a few of you saw the state i was in just before the gala night show.
we were standing-by, waiting to go on stage.
i was just staring blankly into space.

my stomach was on fire,
my throat was dry,
i wanted desperately to cry.
but i couldnt.

and in our holding area,
after you guys left me after the modern dance,
i was alone in that room.
that pathway, actually.

it was dark, and i was afraid.
not because i was nervous i wouldnt act well or anything,
or i would forget my lines,
but i was worried.

it was the last time we would ever act this play again.
it was the last time i would be doing that scene,
in those clothes,
in that makeup,
with that audience,
on that stage.

it hit me real hard,
and i wanted time to stop.
i didnt want it to be over.
even though i knew it would be,
i just wanted it to stop.

as each line was being said,
i knew my time was going fast.
my turn would be coming up.
and it was the last time i would every do that scene.

when it came for my cue,
i held the door handle,
and boy, was it cold.
i closed my eyes tight,
opened it again,
pushed the door open,
and noticed the many turns of heads to see me.

as i walked up the stairs towards wei an and robindro,
i kinda put my worries aside and acted what we'd be practising for 6 months.
it went well,
and after my first scene of the gala night show,
as i was running down the staircase,
and reached the 1st door,
i used my body weight to push it open,
and was running towards the next door to the girls changing room.

i think the running got me back on track.
i acted normally for the rest of the play,
and when the last scene came,
it didnt hit me until i finished saying my last line.
"oh shit. it's over."

it was then that i got worried.
i was nervious.
it was over.

even after the finale,
i didnt know why i couldnt cry.
only when i hugged my friends did i cry.

when we cleared the changing room,
we were so busy and rushed,
that i just ran out the changing room,
and didnt even give the changing room my proper goodbye.

i'm thinking of going back to sji one day.
to see the canteen,
the hall,
the lecture theatres,
everything.

i doubt the PAC would be open,
but i dont know...
i dont know about you guys,
but i just really miss the taming game.